King of D.I.Y.

Oh darling you're my 'can we fix it?’ fella
I thank the Lord for such a handy guy
You're up and outta bed and headed straight out to the shed
Just to prove that your the king of D.I.Y.
Such a master touch with paint and plaster
but there's a little project getting' overdue
For while your renovating
your darling girl is waiting here
I need a little renovation too

I don't mean to disparage all your labour
but this marriage to your garage I defy
If I was draped across your bench and wearing
nothing but a wrench or two
I'd get attention, well at least I'd try
It's a pleasure that our shower pressure's fixed now
and you're fighting the good fight against mildew
But while you're busy grouting
I'm still pining here and pouting
that I need a little renovation too

Do we really need to start a new extension
to assert your worth amongst the brotherhood?
I find it hard to make a fuss about some cantilevered truss
when I dream about a different kind of wood
I know that all our washers need replacing
I hear them dripping out a military tattoo
But I don't care about the water
as my lover boy you oughtta know
I need a little renovation too

I don't care if your pallets are well stacked, dear
Won't be fainting if that painting is well hung
The chimney's well erected, but lately I reflect
that other well erected things can be more fun
Oh! the way you hold your router's quite arousing
but then I haven't been, well, routed since last June
Stop grading your abrasives, don't be so damned evasive, lover
Show me the best route to the bedroom

But there's a sawn off cornice sprawled across the mattress
where we could be curled beneath the eiderdown
We could be fornicating, instead we're here debating
if the backyard fence could use some mission brown
No use in fishing for some missionary passion
My subtle hints are always misconstrued
I'm done with being subtle and I'm deaf to all rebuttal
'cause I need a little renovation, need to fix this situation

Gonna push my luck, what's it take to get a
formulated plan that's not so gloomy
get over here and scrutinise this
problem if your willing
‘cause I could use a driven man
to take control don't fail me
put the hammer down and never mind
the fact it's looking rainy,
FORGET THE BRICKS AND LAY ME
'cause I need a little renovation too